Boobies

 Boobies (Class: Mammaria) are cosmopolitan animals that are virtually indistinguishable from another closely related group, the Tits. Boobies vary widely in their size, shape and colour and there is much disagreement between expert boobologysts as to the actual classification of boobies.

 General Appearance

The most striking feature of boobies is the pair of gland-like structures each one possesses. Boobies are normally devoid of hair, although some rare species are reported to have a densely matted covering which they molt on a lunar cycle.

 Habitat

Boobies are seen very often on the beach, and are generally caught by the eyes of male human beings. Men also like to touch boobies, but are generally too slow to catch them. Boobies can also be kept as domestic pets and are often classed as a woman's best friend. Women who own them are often faced with men asking the question "Can you show me your boobies?” in which the man would probably receive a slap in the face and never see her again. In such scenario, the man would probably have no opportunity at all to see the woman's boobies.

 Behaviour

Boobies are social animals and often coalesce into groups consisting of several individuals. These groups are tightly bonded and will come together on regular occasions to drink. The collective noun for a group of boobies is an "Ogle". While some booby species are active during the day, most species are hidden during sunlight hours. Boobies display flamboyant and extrovert behaviour during the night and allow much more of themselves to be seen. Amateur boobys watchers often take advantage of this, and some ardent watchers have been known to stalk boobies all night to make their observations. ===Defense

Defense mechanisms vary between booby species, however all species share a defense strategy based on stunning a would-be attacker. When startled, boobies inflate and expose their glands. Predators are stunned and instantaneously fixated on the booby's glands, allowing the booby to make a quick getaway. Some booby species have the ability to shoot poisonous alkaloids from their glands and many of these species are remarkably effective at aiming the toxic cocktail directly into a predator's eyes. ===Reproduction

Like many species, boobies go through oestrus cycles every month, and at these times their disposition changes from a normally placid manner to one that is aggressive and domineering. Little is known about booby courtship rituals. Very few reports have documented the elaborate courtship displays that boobies undertake. Booby watchers fortunate enough to have witnessed such events report that boobies gently stroke and touch one another before rolling themselves in mud or other sticky substances. ===Diseases

Boobies are susceptible to several types of diseases; however the most common aliment of boobies is chafing caused by excessive sweating or a lack of hygiene.

 Classification

Expert booby watchers classify and rate boobies on their size, shape and colour into several different groups named alphabetically. Below is a key to booby groups:

A's: Tiny boobies, almost invisible to the naked eye with little shape and no colour

<p style="text-align:center">B's: Small boobies barely able to be grasped in one hand

<p style="text-align:center">C's: Medium boobies with some curvature to the glands and an olive complexion

<p style="text-align:center">D's: Medium-large balloon shaped boobies with a dark brown colour

<p style="text-align:center">E's: Large boobies that may have splotchy orange patches resembling tanning products on the glands

<p style="text-align:center">F's: Extremely large boobies requiring special handling. Often misshapen and with scars around the glands.

<p style="text-align:center">G-Z's: Exceptionally large boobies that are only rarely seen. G's can grow to the length of about 2m with a volume of 7m³. K's can reach a volume of around 40m³. Q's can grow as big as a room (around 100m³). Z's (of which none have yet been sighted in a natural environment) can grow as big as a house (around 1000m³). Although very rare in nature, genetic experiments used these sizes for creating the ultimate boobies. Genetic manipulation resulted in them to be stronger, bigger, and immortal and with a perfect curvature.

<p style="text-align:center">(Info courtesy of Uncyclopedia - thanks!!!)